Pure Insanity
by ModernArt2012
Summary: He sees her across a room, being herself. And just like that, once again he's caught up in everything he feels around her. Adrian reflects on Sydney, and everything he feels or her.


**A/N: Okay, so this is a little song fic that has been plaguing me. The song is "Dementia" by Owl City, and I think it describes how Adrian feels for Sydney perfectly. This is a fic set in the future, slightly outside the series, definitely post TGL, but not AU. **

**Discalimer: I'm not Richelle Mead, and I don't own anything. Except the plot. **

_**Pure Insanity**_

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy**

**This is driving me crazy**

**Dementia, oh, Dementia**

It was an impossible summer night, full of stars and faint laughter. The fairy lights twinkled in ropes and chains from every conceivable place, providing perfect coverage to watch from. Watch _her_. She looked like some goddess, all fire and gold and like a moth called to her flame, he couldn't keep away. Not that he would've if he could've, the center of his universe was the center of his entire universe for a reason. He glared at the alcohol that circled the space on waiter's trays, why had he let her convince him to quit? Oh, how he wished he could drown out the breaking of his heart, the rise of spirit, the snarky voice in his head that asked him why he had gotten his hopes up. The internal struggle to keep from going and gathering his precious up and keeping her there forever, to keep from running away as fast as he could, to keep from falling at her feet and worshiping this beautiful creature who inexplicably, unhurriedly, unwantedly, unconditionally controlled his heart. She was so beautiful, a part of him itched to go get paints and to capture this magical moment, the way she danced and moved and glided and simply was; another part wanted to go and cut in and be the one who caused her to smile so while she danced. He resolutely crushed all urges, she would simply reject him again. He didn't want to break the spell she had cast over him as she was so alive and vivid and just so her, he would just watch from afar.

**Every light in the night flickered in and out**

**Every bone in my back shivered up and down**

**Keep the pace just in case all the magic dies**

**Cause this is driving me crazy**

**Every voice in my head shouted yes and no**

**Every freight train of thought fought to stop and go**

**Keep the pace just in case all the magic dies**

**Cause this is driving me crazy**

He moved with the couple, all saints help him if he was going to let them out his sight. He trusted Eddie to keep her safe, but that was about it at the moment, frankly. He grabbed a glass of what was pop of some kind, and gulped it down, grimacing when the taste revealed it to be diet. The snarky part of him noted how Fate seemed to hate him with a burning passion. The bride and groom whirled a few feet away, the Queen and her bridegroom safely ensconced in their bubble of happiness and joy and love. Their auras screamed with it all, unrestrained and he hated them for an instant, for the looks on their faces and the unconditional everything they had reflected in their auras. He bitterly wished they would just get a room already. He turned back to the magical girl - no ,woman, angel, saviour, nothing so simple as just a girl - and nearly growled aloud at how it was now Dmitri who was dancing with the prettiest girl in the whole universe. Jill, who had just appeared by his side, laughed aloud, and then grabbed his hands and pulled him on the grassy dance floor. They spun and spun until finally she let go, and broke away to grab Dmitri's hands. As they twirled away to the fast tempo, she smiled mischievously as if she'd accomplished exactly - it hit him like a ton of bricks that she had accomplished exactly what she wanted. Of course she could see/hear/feel what he felt for her, and so she had acted. The ethereal figure tilted her head up, - Saint Vladimir save him from those eyes! - and held out a hand questioningly. He went through the movements almost automatically, completely willing, never breaking eye contact. "Will you do me the honor of dancing with me?" Silently, the part of him that wanted to build a temple to her prayed to any higher power that was listening that she accepted. The spirit in him rose ever higher, causing him to notice how the fairy lights made her eyes that molten gold he had seen that evening so long - eons- ago. And the way her dress matched the tie he wore, and how the delicate cross at her throat was slightly off center, and the way she looked apprehensive. He kicked himself mentally, that look in her eyes was all his fault - part of him noticed how it was amazing that he could read her so easily when she made sure never to reveal anything, without ever having to peer at her aura. He kicked himself harder; Lord knows he doesn't need to encourage himself any more - besides she had already told him about how she felt about him. As they began to dance, he wondered why he continued to do this - was he some kind of masochist or sadist or something? The only person he knew who would know was right here in front of him, staring up at him, and he couldn't just ask her. He had forfeited the right long ago.

**Big surprise, I'm a ghost keeping out of sight**

**Love your eyes, you're a star in the summer night**

**This is love, this is war, it's insanity**

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy!**

**Dementia**

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy**

**This is driving me crazy**

They danced together, perfectly in sync, graceful as if they had been dancing together for their whole lives instead of for only a few short moments. She spoke first, "Adrian, what's wrong?" She always knew when something was wrong, when he was just a sailboat being tossed about by the storm of spirit raging through him, like now. But she wouldn't want to know this time, it would only widen the rift between them. Those eyes watched him, all concern and intellect. "Adrian, you can tell me what's wrong."

Maybe it was the spirit in him that emboldened him, maybe it was the feel of her in his arms at last, maybe it was the way she looked at him and the way he saw her. But something caused the dam in him to break, to spill forth everything that he had kept back. "Sydney, you honestly don't want to know. But it's you, and you know the hold you have on me, and you know that if it's ever in my power to give you what you ask for, I'd do it in a heartbeat. So if you can't deal with what I'm about to tell you, then just remember that you asked for it." He tore his eyes away for a moment, unable to watch her rejection in her eyes as he confessed. He gazed at their hands, entwined, and a distant piece of him reveled in how right they looked. He quashed the thought, keeping carefully from her gaze as he began to speak again, unable to handle this gorgeous creature before him. "I know I'll never have a place in your life, not as a Moroi, not as who I am, when it goes against everything you believe in, in every truth you hold as your own. I'll forever be just an acquaintance, someone you've met through your job, a footnote in the story of your life. But I know in every fiber of my being, in every beat of my heart, in every disjointed thought that I have, that there is no one out there that can do what you do to me. Who else can shine like a thousand supernovas, look at me and know me better than I know myself? Who else can talk me through a mood, who else will always come when I call no matter what, who else can inspire me to be a better man than who I am? Who else can look at me and tell me that I am not a wastrel, not a lowlife ingrate, that I can be a person worth knowing? And who else can believe in me enough to tell me so? Who else can drive me crazy just by being? Only you Sydney. Only ever you."

**Every tear in my eyes dripped and wouldn't drop**

**Every disc in my spine shook and couldn't stop**

**Keep the pace just in case all the magic dies**

**Cause this is driving me crazy**

**Every hand let me go that I try to hold,**

**Every warm-hearted love left me freezing cold**

**Keep the pace just in case all the magic dies**

**Cause this is driving me crazy**

His eyes fixed on her cheek, that sparkling, golden badge of office - that symbol of who she was, who she would always be, that intrinsic part of her that he wouldn't change for the world, that mark of the chasm between them, the unbridgeable divide that he could never cross, the signal of the invisible barrier that would forever keep them apart. He dropped her hands, stopped dancing, and slowly traced the outline of that golden lily, sad yet joyful - what kept them apart yet brought them together, all at once he hated it and loved it. The world around them spun like a galaxy of color and texture and they were the centers of that tornado, silent and still while bodies in motion stayed in motion about them. "And the only thing I know is that I will follow you to my death if you asked it of me, even if you didn't I would go willingly. Where ever you go, I will always follow, even if it's just as a ghost flickering in and out of your dreams, even if it's just to remind you of how wonderfully amazing you are, how beautiful, how worthy, how perfect you are as just a memory." He stroked over her cheek one final time - probably the final time forever, how many people, how many Alchemists, had seen this exchange? He probably had just lost her forever. Somehow that was worth that one dance, seeing her in his arms, seeing their hands clasped as they moved as one unit, for that one priceless moment in time.

**Big surprise, I'm a ghost keeping out of sight**

**Love your eyes, you're a star in the summer night**

**This is love, this is war, it's insanity**

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy!**

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy**

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy**

**This is driving me crazy**

**You're driving me crazy**

**Cause this is driving me crazy**

**Dementia**

She stared at him as if he had suddenly grown a second head. Her eyes were aghast, shocked, so very golden and beautiful. The anchor to his reality, the center of his whole world, the one woman who had won his heart without him ever having consciously given it. The only person who had gained his unconditional loyalty, from now until eternity. He leaned over, grasping one of her hands one last time - how he wished he could have grasped her face between his two hands, to see her face as he held her and kissed her, the part of him that couldn't, wouldn't ever, hurt her more than he already had wouldn't let him - and turned it over to the palm. Then he raised it to his lips, a bastardization of a kiss, but all he could give. "If 'palm to palm holy Palmers kiss' then this is what I give you, so that maybe our story won't end so tragically." And with those murmured words, he strolled away head held high, acting casual while his world shattered around him, while he left his heart, broken and bleeding, at the feet of that fiery, golden woman whose aura bled yellow and purple, who shone like a comet winging through the heavens, never to return again. He couldn't bring himself to look back.

**Big surprise, I'm a ghost keeping out of sight**

**Love your eyes, you're a star in the summer night**

**This is love, this is war, it's insanity**

**Dementia, oh dementia**

**Through the skies, you're en route at the speed of light**

**So realize this chaos in the air tonight**

**This is love, this is war, this is pure insanity**

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy!**

**This is driving me crazy**

**Oh dementia, you're driving me crazy**

**Cause this is driving me crazy**

**Dementia, you're driving me crazy!**

As he left, various faces gazed at him, in sympathy, cold aloofness, pity; Jill with tears in her eyes - was she still in his head? - Eddie, who simply grasped his shoulder in empathy and understanding, Rose who looked at him in puzzlement, Angeline who just shook her head, so many others that he didn't register and didn't care to. He had just left his whole reason of existence on that grassy knoll, frozen in time forever with those molten eyes looking at him like he was completely demented. He had just turned his world upside down, he just threw her perfectly understood world into chaos, and he had just purposefully broken his own heart. Dmitri caught him as he leaned against the hood of his Mustang, hands desperately grasping a pen as he scrawled a note. The dhamphir leaned back against the perfect wax job, hands stuffed into the pockets of the leather duster. "Adrian, I am so sorry."

He paused mid-scrawl, to stare tiredly at the man who Rose had always loved. The damnable man continued, " You don't think I get it? What do you think I was like when you and Rose were together? True there were problems between us, but you have bigger ones than anyone could have imagined."

"Are you just here to rub it in my face?" A hand left off holding the paper to run itself through his hair.

"No, I'm here to ask you why you did what you did back there."

He glared at the man, sick and tired and broken and vulnerable. "Everyone knows what I did back there. I ruined her, I broke myself, and I probably signed the woman I love's death warrant."

Dmitri quirked an eyebrow," So you love her? And she doesn't feel the same about you, I take it."

He returned to scrawling his note. "You of all people know that's true."

"That still doesn't answer my question. Why did you do what you did?"

"I - I don't know, okay! I love her, I LOVE SYDNEY SAGE! Do you want me to scream it any louder?" He rounded on the older man, yelling. The rage passed as quickly as it had set in. "I love her, and it just drives me so crazy, seeing her and knowing that she will never be mine, and that Fate hates me enough to throw the most amazing woman across my path and have me fall in love with her, but have such insurmountable barriers between us. I just had to see her one last time, to tell her how I feel, before I leave forever. I can't risk losing her, or hurting her, but I don't want to stay away either. This whole fiasco is just ... pure insanity."

Dmitri placed his hand on the younger man's shoulder, companionship and understanding wadded up into one, "That, my friend, tells me everything." With that, the man left. Adrian, signed the note leaving his 1967 Ford Mustang in the care of her, his goddess, his love eternal, and then he climbed into the cab waiting to take him anywhere but here.

**This is driving me crazy**

**This is driving me crazy**

**This is driving me crazy**

**Dementia, oh dementia**

**A/N: For those of you who wanted a happy ending, sorry, I just don't know how Sydney and Adrian will get one… their barriers are just so…. BIG. She's been raised to hate vampires and magic and everything not human, and she just has so much to lose (her family, her job, everything she's ever known and believed in, getting sent to a Re-Education Center, etc.), while he would have to face the distain of his family, namely his father and the other nobles. I honestly can't figure out how Richelle Mead will give them a happily ever after, so I'm going to wait for her to show us. Therefore, I will not conjecture. Review if you feel like it, flamers are accepted here. Feel free to PM me. Oh, and kudos to anyone who recognizes where the quote Adrian speaks comes from. **


End file.
